just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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