rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
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Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am mentally ready for anal.
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