Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize