I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize