Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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