Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize