Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
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We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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