he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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