i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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