On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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