I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
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Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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