Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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