There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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