i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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