dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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