how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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