please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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