if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
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Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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