yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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