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Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
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