i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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