Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize