$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think your dad took our porno
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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