We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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