I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize