Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize