that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
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The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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