Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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