Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
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I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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