The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize