EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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