why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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