After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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