i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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