There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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