My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize