two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
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You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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