seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize