I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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