:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
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He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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