im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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