Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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