That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize