I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize