He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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