This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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