went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize