My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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