We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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