My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize